Lazy

It's really frustrating at the moment. The last time I drew something was, don't know, maybe two weeks ago. Except some childish drawings for the bulletin board in my boyfriends flat... I don't know why I am so lazy. I have much time, I'm bored, but I can't get started somehow. I've read 2 books from Cathy Johnson (sketching in nature; painting in nature) and I really want to go outside and create beautiful journal pages...
And I thougt this year is going to be different because I created so much in the first month. Strange...
Next thing is my portfolio. My last chance for art college [I need at least two of them, the first till the end of april]...I'm really scared of not doing it good enough. If I fail, I have to learn something very different from that..social work or something like that. Shit, I really don't want this. Can't imagine doing everything else than art. It's the only thing which makes me happy for a long period of time...
I'm scared about what future will bring to me...

Leoprint Art Journal

Leoprint Art Journal
Originally uploaded by sternenklar.

One of this years resolutions was to bind my own books. Yesterday I surfed on some bookbinding websites and decided to finally give it a try... This is made after a tutorial of a hedgehog (a moleskine knock-off), but I changed some things.
It's filled with 200 g/m² (110 lb) watercolor paper, 60 pages (?). The cover is cardboard + wrapping paper from IKEA ;) ....
I like the look of this book, but otherwise, i don't now. The pages are ... I can't describe it.... when the book is closed everything looks allright but when you open it the pages look so messy...I think I could only describe this in german ;D
Well...I think I will try out some pages especially with watercolor and then tell you if it works and if I keep it.
I'm not sure if I will do this again. It's too much work for a bad quality product. The only problem is that in germany we don't have many good sketchbooks. The moleskines for sure, but I need a book were I can sketch and also use watercolor. I love the moleskine sketch book but it's not for watercolors. And I don't like the watercolor book that much, because of the landscape-format and the pages that you can rip out of the journal.
I'd love to try these journals: hand book! I think they are perfect...but they are not sold here, even on ebay I can't find them.
Sometimes I hate living in germany ;)